Hoss_TBF (hoss_tbf) wrote,
Hoss_TBF
hoss_tbf

He's baaaaaack

It's been a while since I've posted, but I hope you'll find it was worth the wait.  I played a long session on UB tonight with Phil Hellmuth and another player, turnthecaroff.  Frankly, I'm not sure that Phil could win if the cards fell his way.  They didn't.

PHILHELLMUTH: but now I'm going to punich weakness



PHILHELLMUTH: and your over plays will get me even


PHILHELLMUTH: OVER PLAYS!!!!!!!!!!


PHILHELLMUTH: OP!!


PHILHELLMUTH: what a joke

 

as he says this, we are dealt a hand where it goes cutoff raise, phil rr the button, i call in bb, co calls

flop comes KK8, phil and i cap, other guy folds

turn is a 2--i bet, phil raises, i rr, phil . . . folds


HOSS_TBF: OVERPLAYS!

PHILHELLMUTH: U or me?

PHILHELLMUTH: I had 7-7

HOSS_TBF: guess that answers that question

PHILHELLMUTH: U called 3 cold

PHILHELLMUTH: in BB

PHILHELLMUTH: OP

PHILHELLMUTH: OP

PHILHELLMUTH: I luv U guys keep it up

 

PHILHELLMUTH: crunk would have 30k less if deck broke even


HOSS_TBF: phil you'd have 8 million less if deck broke even


TURNTHECAROFF: true story


PHILHELLMUTH: u morons cannot even play LH right, how U gonna beat

 

we then play a hand where the flop is jt6, we cap the flop, phil bets and i raise turn

river is a 6, phil checks, i check my J5 behind

he shows 96o for trips

 

HOSS_TBF: phil you see what i check behind last hand when you make 666

PHILHELLMUTH: U such a moron I make those checks everyday

PHILHELLMUTH: tons of times

HOSS_TBF: but i do them while actually playing well

 


PHILHELLMUTH: raise and bet every street


PHILHELLMUTH: what a joke


PHILHELLMUTH: this ***cin moron turn firing OP MF



PHILHELLMUTH: OP everyhand


PHILHELLMUTH: **** 


PHILHELLMUTH: brutal


PHILHELLMUTH: I never hit vs the moron


PHILHELLMUTH: fuyck

f
PHILHELLMUTH: RWGHwwshnjEDTYuj


PHILHELLMUTH: 35WR


PHILHELLMUTH: AE


PHILHELLMUTH: G


PHILHELLMUTH: GRT


PHILHELLMUTH: GHR
PHILHELLMUTH: TH


PHILHELLMUTH: RT


PHILHELLMUTH: ETY


PHILHELLMUTH: NJ
PHILHELLMUTH: DTYY


PHILHELLMUTH: ******* op IDUIOT



PHILHELLMUTH: wtyf


HOSS_TBF: there is a program called mavis beacon teaches typing which 

HOSS_TBF: i found very useful and you may as well


 


PHILHELLMUTH: i SIT AND PLAY SUPER GITH AND MORON PLAYS EVERYHAND AND\


PHILHELLMUTH: STILL WINS EVERTY POT

PHILHELLMUTH: **** YU    2


PHILHELLMUTH: ER


PHILHELLMUTH: THI ISNT POKER


PHILHELLMUTH: wheres the math??????????????????


PHILHELLMUTH: this isn't aupposed to happen

HOSS_TBF: phil, this is sincere: maybe you should do your breathing

HOSS_TBF: exercises

HOSS_TBF: i honestly do not want you to have another panic attack

PHILHELLMUTH: I really should

PHILHELLMUTH: I might

HOSS_TBF: you are a nice guy

PHILHELLMUTH: but I ran four miles and feel great

PHILHELLMUTH: but U right I do need to settle down

PHILHELLMUTH: just beat after beats seems unbleieavbel

PHILHELLMUTH: steamed me up way too much

PHILHELLMUTH: I prob need meds, never takin em before though

 

 

PHILHELLMUTH: wtf sick


PHILHELLMUTH: coolers and ****


HOSS_TBF: QJ vs 88 J on flop is really a cooler?

(Phil capped the flop, raised the turn and bet the river with 88)

 


PHILHELLMUTH: what U thionk>?


HOSS_TBF: i think it's a coinflip


PHILHELLMUTH: rreverse flops I scoop[ em both with BEST hand as usual


PHILHELLMUTH: BEST hand syndrome I have


PHILHELLMUTH: made me millions


HOSS_TBF: instead you lost both with worst hand?


HOSS_TBF: i wonder if they gave out anti-bracelets


HOSS_TBF: how many you would have


PHILHELLMUTH: yeah


PHILHELLMUTH: what a joke


HOSS_TBF: OP?


PHILHELLMUTH: moron gets every raise in when tiny favorite


PHILHELLMUTH: pathtetic play

PHILHELLMUTH: U horrible

PHILHELLMUTH: KK for me

PHILHELLMUTH: nice 3 bet

PHILHELLMUTH: this is ridiculous

PHILHELLMUTH: 6-5 vs KK

PHILHELLMUTH: y'all are so awful I feel like ****

HOSS_TBF: you're a silly goose

PHILHELLMUTH: how the **** U guys get away with it?

PHILHELLMUTH: why U three bet with 6-5?

PHILHELLMUTH: OK

PHILHELLMUTH: U wanna play bad so be it

PHILHELLMUTH: Ill play even tighter

HOSS_TBF: sweet heavens xmas has come early

PHILHELLMUTH: In guess I wouldn't have deca millions without bad players

HOSS_TBF: sure you would

HOSS_TBF: but you wouldn't have the millions without television

PHILHELLMUTH: time to pay

PHILHELLMUTH: U guys almost took my spirit with those moronic moves

PHILHELLMUTH: but then I rmembered

PHILHELLMUTH: lol

PHILHELLMUTH: wow U two are special

PHILHELLMUTH: U have no pride

PHILHELLMUTH: thats why I win

PHILHELLMUTH: U did it again man well done

PHILHELLMUTH: QQ AK beat

 

 

we then play a pot where i have Tc9c, and flop open-ended straight flush draw:  jc 8c 4h, we cap the flop, i checkraise blank turn, river is another blank, i bet, phil calls, shows KTo for the win with K high

PHILHELLMUTH: cause you just another OP

PHILHELLMUTH: cause you don't deserve it

 

TURNTHECAROFF: whos worse phil me or hoss?

PHILHELLMUTH: obs hoss is worse

TURNTHECAROFF: hahahahahaahhaha

PHILHELLMUTH: but you have gotten away with murder

PHILHELLMUTH: its like hoss tryinmg to lose

TURNTHECAROFF: ]hahahahahaha

PHILHELLMUTH: I give U zero action hoss

PHILHELLMUTH: and U still take ace rag and win every pot

PHILHELLMUTH: U beat my QQ and my AK

PHILHELLMUTH: and U hit mirca;ces

PHILHELLMUTH: ALL THAT, and I will beat you for 200K by end of year PROMIS

PHILHELLMUTH: cause you just another OP

PHILHELLMUTH: 66k in front of U, PEEEUUUU sir

PHILHELLMUTH: its semlls bad from ehre

PHILHELLMUTH: zero acrton from me

PHILHELLMUTH: wow how tilted are U man?

PHILHELLMUTH: what a sucker

PHILHELLMUTH: plqys every single pot

PHILHELLMUTH:  and pays off like a slot machine

TURNTHECAROFF: lolololol

HOSS_TBF: *exactly* like a slot machine

PHILHELLMUTH: opay

PHILHELLMUTH: pay

(i've boldfaced the best line of the night)

 

PHILHELLMUTH: no way


PHILHELLMUTH: what a ****** night


PHILHELLMUTH: thats OK


PHILHELLMUTH: just keep up the OP suckers

PHILHELLMUTH: wow look at these beats u put on  m,e


PHILHELLMUTH: I dont understand


PHILHELLMUTH: I play only AJ's and


PHILHELLMUTH: and U guys saw them up with A-9s


PHILHELLMUTH: I should have 50k right now


 

HOSS_TBF: maybe if you started with 200k
 . . .

 

PHILHELLMUTH: no action we see if u hit your hands son


PHILHELLMUTH: Im a folding machine


PHILHELLMUTH: then i stick U!!!


PHILHELLMUTH: this is such BS


PHILHELLMUTH: ****


PHILHELLMUTH: I let you dummys go off


PHILHELLMUTH: and play every hand like a moron


PHILHELLMUTH: and I'm losing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PHILHELLMUTH: sick



PHILHELLMUTH: fold folf fold


PHILHELLMUTH: I fold every button


PHILHELLMUTH: and every small blind


PHILHELLMUTH: and then U morons beat A-J


PHILHELLMUTH: or AK


PHILHELLMUTH: makes me sick U have no patience, no game

 

 

now we play a hand where i open the button with TT, it gets 4-bet back to me with phil in the big blind, flop 872, phil and i cap, other guy folds

turn is a 9, phil checkraises and i call down. i win when phil shows A9, he then says . . .

PHILHELLMUTH: so sick

PHILHELLMUTH: I sit here on the sideleines folding

PHILHELLMUTH: like an 11 time champion

PHILHELLMUTH: and y'all just get lucky

 

TURNTHECAROFF: folding folding folding

TURNTHECAROFF: finally he picks up the 3RD BEST HAND in a 3way pot

PHILHELLMUTH: Im waiting for my 50k run, gonna happen quick as bad as y'al

PHILHELLMUTH: OP hands

PHILHELLMUTH: i'll win so quick its scary

PHILHELLMUTH: are you ****** kidding me

PHILHELLMUTH: yeah I got colleed

TURNTHECAROFF: you were drawing 2 3 outs the whole hand phil

PHILHELLMUTH: cooler agauin and again

PHILHELLMUTH: yes dummy, ace has to hit when I slow play preflop?

PHILHELLMUTH: it came for me to lose max

TURNTHECAROFF: keep slow playin those ace rags phil

 

PHILHELLMUTH: here we go

PHILHELLMUTH: thast right run me over lol

PHILHELLMUTH: roflol

PHILHELLMUTH: some sick stuff boys, but my turn coming

PHILHELLMUTH: when i win 50k str8 are u gonna tell me how lucky I am?

PHILHELLMUTH: wow this so brutal

PHILHELLMUTH: monkey

HOSS_TBF: I'M THE MONKEY!?

PHILHELLMUTH: U are so bad its scary

PHILHELLMUTH: but the deck saved U so far

PHILHELLMUTH: never seen a guy win with 10-4 off suit more than you

HOSS_TBF: i prefer the term "10-4 doublesuited"

HOSS_TBF: and that's because you LIMP ACES (and check back the flop)

PHILHELLMUTH: lol

PHILHELLMUTH: wtf

PHILHELLMUTH: wow value bet a three to the river

PHILHELLMUTH: moron

PHILHELLMUTH: moron

PHILHELLMUTH: lol'

PHILHELLMUTH: I eman wow

PHILHELLMUTH: wow

 

PHILHELLMUTH: U make a lot of good checks vs me hoss

PHILHELLMUTH: I better have em look at this session, security

PHILHELLMUTH: well, U either totally outdrew me all night or U bluffed a F

PHILHELLMUTH: few

PHILHELLMUTH: I saw a bunch of yiour hands when I had ace high and U won e

PHILHELLMUTH: m all

PHILHELLMUTH: VNH

TURNTHECAROFF: i can see the steam phil

TURNTHECAROFF: lol

PHILHELLMUTH: Idont steam against bad pl,ayers

TURNTHECAROFF: who on this site would you call a good player phil?

 

PHILHELLMUTH: wow amazing

PHILHELLMUTH: hoss Im having scurity review this session first time ever

PHILHELLMUTH: thats the truth

TURNTHECAROFF: lololl

PHILHELLMUTH: hoss is playing well vs me

TURNTHECAROFF: wp hoss

TURNTHECAROFF: he is supposedly a great player phil

PHILHELLMUTH: U morons beat AQ KQ KJ and more in the last few minutes alon

PHILHELLMUTH: **** this

PHILHELLMUTH: gadwr

PHILHELLMUTH: \q4th6

PHILHELLMUTH: how in fusk hell

PHILHELLMUTH: do you get away with this ****

TURNTHECAROFF: LOLOLOL

PHILHELLMUTH: one of the most brutal sessions of my life

PHILHELLMUTH: cause I stayed strong

PHILHELLMUTH: and showed top rate hands all night

TURNTHECAROFF: hahhaha

PHILHELLMUTH: wow every hand I get ****ed

PHILHELLMUTH: well Im going to fight back

PHILHELLMUTH: wow all night olong same ****

PHILHELLMUTH: U do win the max but U will lose the mqax as well soon

PHILHELLMUTH: WP

 

TURNTHECAROFF: you really playing your heart out phil

 

PHILHELLMUTH: You ******* moron

PHILHELLMUTH: and i cannot hit a pair and flush draw vs you

TURNTHECAROFF: i dont mind being a moron with ALL YOUR MONIES

PHILHELLMUTH: ******* idiot

PHILHELLMUTH: how long that gonna last?

TURNTHECAROFF: nh

PHILHELLMUTH: even if you get me tonight, I'll show you the nuts all year

PHILHELLMUTH: I mean wow

HOSS_TBF: you'll see them, too

HOSS_TBF: cause it'll go check check check check check check

 

PHILHELLMUTH: OK no more chat from me

 

PHILHELLMUTH: sure just **** me over hand after hand

PHILHELLMUTH: this isn't funny anymore

PHILHELLMUTH: Im gonna enjoy my revenge

PHILHELLMUTH: lol

PHILHELLMUTH: I had KJ

PHILHELLMUTH: lol

TURNTHECAROFF: hilarious phil

PHILHELLMUTH: yes they found a queen for ya'll

PHILHELLMUTH: congrats this is my biggest loss in two years playing online

PHILHELLMUTH: Limit holdem

 



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  • (no subject)

    If you've enjoyed the long, silent winter on my blog and appreciated me not taking up valuable space on the interweb with self-aggrandizing…

  • (no subject)

    I debated health care reform with the global warming denialist next to me on the airplane for the better part of 3 hours tonight. I opened and closed…

  • Another NLHE final table?!

    I'm starting the final table of the WSOPE main event tomorrow, a little below par but all things considered, I'm happy. I started yesterday with 710k…